Return to Piha

Borrowed glasses

I peer at you through borrowed glasses.
Inexplicably, I had left mine behind.

Magnification
does not bring you closer;

Rather, you are blurred, Out of focus; a bit like Piha Beach, obscured by mist, on my arrival.

I blink rapidly. Suddenly feel exhausted. Bone weary.
I don’t know what’s
happening to me.

I smile mutely.
Nodding in agreement;
So unsure how to add to the conversation.

I try to hide my shyness;
my self-doubt. I feel lost.

But you notice me; and
Like a mother hen gathering her chick,

Stretch out your wing,
And grace me with your full attention.

Now I can become real.

You ask me gently why I am here.
What I came for. What do I want?

The enormity of these questions
Silences me.
And the earth spins wildly in my heart
As I search for the answer. LOVE.

I think I’m here for love.

I peer through borrowed glasses.
Let the world be blurred
and out of focus.
So, I can clearly see, my Self.

Mandy Edwards © 2019

Secrets

“What would you think,” Mum asked one day,
“If you and I just went away?”
“Not with the boys or Dad,” she said.
Just you and me. What do you say?

I was only a child, knew not of despair
Nor loss of self, or disabling fear.
What should I think? What should I feel?
In the end I said nothing. I couldn’t go there.

Yet I’ve never forgotten that unspoken plea.
The tears in her eyes; her urge to be free.
And the thing I remember most back then?
How pleased I felt that she still wanted me.

Mandy Edwards (c) 2015

Unhinged

(Piha Women’s Retreat)

We stagger across the beach
Like giggling school girls. Clad
In nightgowns. Feet bared.
Black sands between our toes;
Heavy with fatigue yet light
As champagne flutes; our pain
Released! The sea sweeps in
from our left. To the right, a
More-pork laments its name.
Calling us home. Wild Women.
Un-tethered. Unleashed. Quite.
Quite Unhinged. Returned to
Ourselves. At last.

Mandy Edwards (c) 2018

Childhood memories

What did I see, Mummy?
What did I hear?
I’ve lost my voice, Mummy,
I’m frozen by fear.

You said I was loved, Mummy,
Yet I can’t feel a thing,
No memory to hold on to,
No love song to sing.

I need to grow up, Mummy,
Stop shielding my eyes.
What pain have I witnessed?
Oh, Mum, please don’t cry.

Whatever has happened,
Is a thing of the past,
And the love we share now,
Mummy, we’ll never out last.

Mandy Edwards (c) 2018

Spirit date.

I went on a date with spirit,
Beneath a starry sky,
As she led me through the darkness,
Her beauty rent me shy.
Gilded by the crescent moon,
Dressed in a glittering gown,
She filled my heart with wonder,
Her breath the merest sound.
I heard her tinkling laughter,
As she slipped into the tide,
And though I lost her in the shadows,
She left her fragrance deep inside.

Mandy Edwards (c) 2018

The Monarch

The Monarch

One warm and sunny Christmas day,
A Monarch butterfly sailed away.
Her wings sun kissed, her colours bright,
She’d been transformed in the night.

For like the babe on Christmas morn,
The time was right to be reborn.
A bright new flame to light the way,
This warm and sunny Christmas Day.

Mandy Edwards. (c) 2017